The Waiting Game

It's amazing to me that I am still blogging about "waiting". Maybe that's what cancer world is all about: waiting for blood tests, physicians to call, the next treatment decision, recurrences.

This past week was about indecisiveness. We are presently caught between two physicians who see Joanne's situation very differently and are having difficulty talking to each other.

Joanne has still not had her final chemo treatment. Her oncologist, Dr. Rubin, is not willing to authorize it until her infection is over and she has surgery for the fistula. Jeffrey is saying to us that it is OK to have chemo and that he is unwilling to do surgery in her compromised state.

Since she has not had further chemo, her strength is coming back and she is feeling better every day. Meanwhile, we wait for the doctors to talk to each other and agree. We want to finish chemo - the sooner, the better, as my surgery date approaches. Joanne is eager to start detoxing and getting her health back.

We are dealing with a new challenge in our home on the Bay. We have two new four-legged creatures in our home - a rat and a baby rat (hopefully only one). They are quite brazen, scampering around the kitchen on the counters while I cook ( I cannot catch it!). OK, new news. One of our cats got the baby. One down. We'd like to trap it live and drive far up north and release it. I know that it's difficult to imagine a house with five cats and a live rat. But it's been co-habiting with us for almost a week now. We want it evicted. Any suggestions???

I am leaving you with a link if you want a good belly laugh. I don't know how to directly put the video on this blog, so click on the link if you want a delightful treat. Enjoy.

http://birdloversonly.blogspot.com/2007/09/may-i-have-this-dance.html

Good News

Joane spent most of the day with Dr. Grice in Seattle, enduring more cat scans and being poked and prodded. We have good news. He believes she has a low-grade, smoldering infection which has resulted in the "tunnel" internally. Basically, there will be no IP chemo - ever. We are at peace with that and have taken the position that we are continuing to be spirit-led in this whole process and that she is not supposed to have toxic chemicals infused into her belly. We believe she will heal faster and better without it. This is validated by Dr. Grice saying he has never seen this many problems with an IP port. Some relief in that arena.

It gets better. Dr. Grice believes she will heal from this infection WITHOUT surgery at this point. He will re-examine her in three weeks to see if that is true and we will go from there.
The IP port will be removed when she is stable and the infection cleared up.

Many thanks to Sharon Allen for driving Joanne down there and back, and to Kathleen for being with them during the M.D. visit. Joanne was well cared-for.

So, it looks like Joanne has only one more chemo infusion next week - and she is DONE!!
She is exhausted and weary, and so am I. We are celebrating!

A Rant

On this blustery, windy day, I am going to use this blog post to be equally blustery - to rant, yell, pound my fists against the cosmic wall. . .

We went to Madrona today to start Joanne's IP chemo - finally. Fortunately, the nurses started with an infusion of salt water, just in case. Very quickly Joanne noticed the fluid bubbling out of her vagina, flowing out as fast as it was going in. A major problem. We nurses all agreed she had a major fistula (tunnel) between her peritoneal cavity and her vagina.

I called Jeffrey right away. He doubts that it can be repaired without another abdominal surgery. He'll know after he examines her. Joanne is going down to see him in Seattle tomorrow. Bless Sharon Allen, who will be driving her down, as I am giving workshops all day tomorrow, starting at 8 am.

So, unless a miracle occurs and it heals on its own very quickly (ok, I know I believe in miracles, but right now it's hard to see the miracles amongst the fear, anger and pain), Joanne will NOT be getting the much needed IP chemo and will probably face another major surgery.

I can't imagine her enduring another surgery. I don't WANT to imagine her enduring another surgery. I want her to get the life-saving IP chemo. It looks like that won't happen. I'm angry at myself for having a thought several weeks ago that she might have a fistula, based on her symptoms, but not pushing it. I'm angry at Jeffrey for writing off the symptoms as "normal".
But mostly, I'm afraid for her.

I have the first of possibly many requests as we get closer to MY major surgery. I won't be able to clean our house after November 27th, so we need a good housecleaner real soon. Anyone have any good referrals???

Waiting Over

I'm posting this in Joanne's private room as she is eating solid "mystery" food that was just delivered. The surgery was very short - and very successful. Jeffrey took out the old kinked port and inserted a brand new one in a different area - all is working well and he is quite pleased.

We are not on the oncology floor this time, but the short-stay unit. It seems much more upbeat here! We will be leaving tomorrow morning, barring any unforeseen circumstances. We are both quite relieved. I will be sleeping, with the help of drugs, in a chair tonight - all out of cots.
It's only one night. Many thanks to all of you for your prayers, your poems, your support.
All is well.

Waiting again. . .

Since there is no cell phone coverage down here in the bowels of Virginia Mason, I will give an update now and later when there is news. We were told to be here at 2:00. We were. They took Joanne up to pre-op at 4:00 and now it is 5:40 and she still hasn't gone to the OR.

So, one of the gifts of this healing journey is that I am becoming a better "waiter". It's never been one of my strengths. Actually, I avoided waiting at all costs, except for a short stint as a waitress. A line? I move on.

I am proud to announce that I think I'm starting to surrender. After all, what's the alternative?
Resistance - and we all know that not only is it unattractive, but quite ineffective. It doesn't speed up anything except the adrenals and the heart rate.

Fortunately, I am equipped with books, I-Pod (and all those NPR podcasts) and my trusty lap top. Life is good - and I just wait. . .

He's Back!!!

Joanne's visit with Dr. Grice went very well today. He explained the "why" behind many of the symptoms she has been having and was very reassuring. We have a plan! Joanne and I will go back down to Virginia Mason on Tuesday for surgery that late afternoon - Dr. Grice is adding her on at the end of the day. He will attempt to fix the port and insert a new one. We will stay overnight in the hospital at least one day or longer if more extensive surgery is needed.

He encouraged her to take the narcotics for the pain - so she is currently pain free, sleepy and very relaxed! A huge thank you to Cindy Davis for driving Joanne while I worked. We are so glad that Jeffrey is back - he knows what to do and he cares.

Still Waiting.. .

I haven't updated since there is no new news - we are still waiting to see a surgeon. Meanwhile, Joanne continues to have more pain and is very weak. Life for her mostly revolves around our "Stressless" chair in the living room. Virginia Mason has clearly dropped the ball. Today Group Health double-booked Joanne for an appointment this Friday with Dr. Grice. It's his first day back from Brazil and we are so glad he is returning. It appears no other physician wants to deal with this peritoneal port issue.

Our dear friends Cindy and Sheila have just flown in from Houston, and Cindy will be able to take Joanne to Seattle on Friday, as I am giving an all-day workshop here in Bellingham. So, we may be spending the weekend in Seattle - or not. We have no idea what the next step will be.
Waiting for Grice. . .