Healing Garden

When I moved into this house in 1989 I planted a small patch of garden in front of the house. Between 1989 and now it became a victim of gross neglect with overgrown shrubs, morning glory vines, wild roses that refused to die and waist high weeds. A visual embarassment on the garden palate. I regret not having taken a picture of this mess.

So, when making my goals for 2007, transforming this plot was at the top of the list. I started the brutal job of digging up huge rootballs, etc. in early spring. In May I had most of the debris dug out, but had no idea what I was going to do with this patch of earth. Then Joanne was diagnosed. Now I had a project that a was a symbolic, life-affirming act. It would become a healing garden dedicated to my best friend. Now I could move forward.

The garden was finished last week and we like it. A final note of irony. While laying the crushed white rock, I literally impaled myself on a branch of the one conifer that was allowed to remain in the garden. It hurt like hell, but I recovered quickly. A week later I could barely breathe, walk or sit and the pain was an 8 on the old pain scale. A trip to the physician revealed pleurisy with effusion. Yes, I am curious why I needed to wound myself while working on a healing garden. I'll let you know when I know. . .

Living by numbers

The week after the Relay for Life, Joanne called the Madrona Oncology Clinic and the nurse asked her if she was a celebrity or a political candidate, since she had so many bags in her name!
Of course we all know that she IS a celebrity!

Today was the third chemo infusion. I'm aware that when I'm in the infusion room with Joanne I find myself curious about all the other people sitting in these plush recliners getting their toxic chemical bath. I want to know each person's story. Some are with loved ones, some are not. Some are bald, others have hair growing back. Some are becoming familiar faces. There is one commonality that unites us all - the faith that these chemicals are vanquishing the beast so that each may live a long, fulfilling life.

I'm learning that how Joanne is doing clinically is ascertained by numbers. The most crucial number is the CA125, the cancer marker. Fortunately, hers is dropping dramatically and is approaching the normal range. This is an important criteria for her next surgery, which is now scheduled for September 6th at Virginia Mason.

The other important numbers, checked weekly, are her blood counts - especially the white blood cells. The effects of the chemo are cumulative, so hers have dropped precariously in the last week. Fortunately, she rebounded enough today that she was able to get her chemo. It also means she will need to get three painful injections next week of a drug that will stimulate her bone marrow to produce more cells. When her cells are low she is very susceptible to infection. One of the side-effects of this drug is bone pain, so we are holding the vision that she will sail through this next treatment.

Following the orders of the oncologist to do something fun after treatment, Joanne went to lunch at Anthony's with a friend and then to a yarn sale where she did major shopping.

A Juicy trip

Currently we are in the part of the chemo rotation where Joanne feels quite good, although her white blood cell count is very low, making her susceptible to infection. So we decided to hitch up the old tent trailer and take a summer camping "vacation" for three days to San Juan island. I was going to bike voraciously and Joanne was going to drive around, hoping to meet up and share our favorite places together. Mother nature had other plans. Thursday was beautiful. We strolled through the Westcott Sculpture Garden at Roche Harbor.

Friday it rained all day. In a moment of misplaced optimism, I took off on my bike and managed to get in 13 miles before calling it quits (literally calling Joanne on my cell - "Come get me"!) I was oozing water from my bike shoes and soaked to the skin. It wasn't enjoyable anymore. I'm getting smarter in my old age - most of the time I know when it's OK to quit. Friday night we had an enjoyable dinner with friends, and Saturday it rained again. With a worsening forecast, we headed home.

The best part of this trip was that Cancer took a back seat. We rarely gave it much thought or conversation. That is very unusual these days. Other than Joanne's not biking, it felt like a normal summer camping trip to S. J. Island. Normalcy feels delightful. It's easier to focus on Joanne's healing and the concept of her being well again at some point.

Relay for Life

Yesterday was the first time I attended the Relay for Life where the cancer beast has hit so close to home. We walked the survivor's lap with other members of our church family (caregivers were allowed also!) We then went out to dinner some of these survivors . Joanne napped at a friend's house, then we returned at 11:00 for the ceremony and walked amongst the illuminated luminarias. Joanne had over 100 of them - a wave of "Joanne Kotjan" bags. We were both very moved. Thank you to all who donated bags - and especially to Peggie Moore for expediting so many donations through your store.

Every year I find this event to be an emotional roller coaster. There are so many names that I recognize on the bags. This disease is so prevalent and exacts such a huge toll.

Joanne had a phone conference with her surgeon yesterday. They have decided on a tentative date for surgery the end of the first week of September. So she will have four chemo treatments instead of three before the next surgery. She wanted more time to recuperate from the first surgery.

Today we experienced a sense of normalcy in our lives. Joanne has recovered from the post-chemo pain and weakness and actually felt quite energized. I went on a long bike ride and Joanne visited nurseries - we both met up in Lynden for raspberries and ice cream! Life is good.

Lights for Healing

This Friday is the Cancer Relay for Life in Bellingham. Those of you who have attended and/or supported this event know that there are many luminarias for those who have survived cancer, are fighting cancer or who have died from cancer. It's quite a moving, beautiful sight when they are all lit at night during the Ceremony of Hope.

Joanne now is a member of two categories: survivor and fighter. We are focusing right now on the later (wish the category was "healing" instead of "fighting").

Anyone can donate a luminaria to honor a particular person - it is $5.00 per luminaria. I envision hundreds of these for Joanne!

This Wednesday, July 11th, Peggy Moore is opening her store, Yak Magic, to have a fundraiser for luminarias for Joanne. From 6 PM on, there will be wine and cheese, and 20% of all jacket sales will go towards luminarias. She will also have lots of bags for people to personally decorate. The store will actually be open from 2 PM, so you can come in anytime during the afternoon to buy a jacket or simply make a donation. If you want wine and cheese, wait until 6!
The money donated goes to the American Cancer Society.

Parties at Yak Magic are always high energy and lots of fun (besides the gorgeous jackets!) The store is located at 1114 Finnegan Way in Fairhaven (that sliver of a street between 11th and 12th). If you want to talk to Peggy, you can call at 715-3573.

Joanne and I will be walking the survivors lap with other members of our church. We will be staying at the event as long as her energy holds out. Maybe we will see you there. . .

Bald is Bold

Today is chemo day (infusion of the holy spirit), so Joanne and I are camped out at Madrona for five hours and had fun coming up with the top ten best things about being bald this summer:

#10 Passing by a mirror is a totally entertaining experience.
#9 Bald is bold. You get big smiles and thumbs up just walking down the street.
#8 The ventilation is great, especially when the thermometer passes 80’.
#7 No worries about earrings being hidden by flowing locks. And the bigger the earrings, the better.
#6 You have instant community with others in "the club".
#5 In Paris, bald is totally “in”, so this is a great excuse to go to Europe.
#4 It’s fun to wear hats and scarves you forgot you had.
#3 Big savings on hair products, hair cuts and coloring.
#2 You have a great palette for head art.
#1 You never have a bad hair day.

Anybody out there have anything else to add to the list?

Happy Interdependence Day

"The love of one's country is a splendid thing. But why should love stop at the border?"
Pablo Casals

"To him in whom love dwells, the whole world is but one family." Buddha

With the 4th rapidly approaching and already many illegal fireworks punctuating the silence out here on the reservation, I again face the fact that this is NOT one of my favorite holidays! I would like to create some meaning out of this day, and the Network of Spiritual Progressives have come to my rescue. They are encouraging us to celebrate July 4th as Inter-Dependence Day. The point is to take a traditional ultra nationalist holiday with its theme of "bombs bursting in air," and American triumphalism, and reshape it in 2 ways:

• To affirm all the good in America, particularly the struggles of ordinary citizens that led to the expansion of democratic rights and civil liberties throughout the past two hundred and thirty one years.

• To affirm that in the 21st century there is no such thing as "independence" without affirming and thinking in terms of our inter-dependence with all other people on the planet, and with the planet itself.

They suggest that we start talking to our family members about ways we might commemorate how our well- being, as a people, is linked to the well- being of everyone on the planet. It could be a great topic of conversation around the picnic table.

Since Joanne was diagnosed, I am profoundly in touch with our own interdependence on this journey. It truly takes a village to heal a cancer patient.
We both are full of gratitude to all of you. Let the fireworks begin.

Cancer Markers Falling

More good news from the physician: Joanne's Ca125 has fallen dramatically! This means her tumors are responding to the chemo. Yes!!! So, when the cancer marker has approached normal, we can have the second surgery - hopefully end of August.

A huge thank-you to Linda Lee for shaving Joanne's head on Sunday. The hair coming out in handfuls was too traumatic. A picture will be posted soon.

Joanne's appetite is voracious. She is making up her calorie deficit. Today she has more energy than she has had in six weeks.

I will post again on the 4th of July with a special "Interdependence Day" musing.

We are holding the vision for two new kitties joining our family very soon.