She's Home

At 3:54  this afternoon I lost my hero, my lover, my best friend.  She flew home on butterfly wings and now is soaring with the angels.  After she graduated, Shan and I washed her with lavender water and anointed her with rose oil.  She looked beautiful.  Her suffering is over and she is experiencing an unspeakable love.  It was a wonderful 23 years.  Now I  learn how to live life without her.  I don't want to.

Thank you for all your prayers and support - I know she was well loved.

The Last Few Steps

Joanne and I had a very long, challenging night.  She became very restless and agitated and the morphine did not appear to be working.  Today two hospice nurses came out, along with our friend Shan.  We added some drugs to the mix and now Joanne is much more peaceful.  She is no longer responsive and her spirit is about to take wings.  Shan is staying here with me (you can relax, Laura, and enjoy your trip!) and we will midwife Joanne back to Source.  I hope those entities are ready for Joanne's light - it's a bright one.

Resting comfortably at last

Thank you everyone for your kind, loving words.  I read them to Joanne with tears streaming down my face.

We have finally found the right drug combination which has ended the relentless vomiting.  Starting yesterday afternoon, she is getting a morphine drip and another drug which has allowed her to rest peacefully.  We are both getting much needed sleep!  She has moments of lucidity but is mostly sleeping.  It was so agonizing to watch her suffer and feel so helpless.  Hospice is such a blessing.

Thank you again for all your support, in its many forms.  I am so blessed.

The Last Chapter

It is with much sadness that I announce the beginning of the last stage of this 5 1/2 year journey.

On Monday we made the difficult, but necessary, decision to discontinue all TPN and hydration.  Joanne's body is shutting down and cannot handle the fluids.  The vomiting is creating so much suffering. We are now giving a drug IV that will hopefully dry up all the fluids in her body so the vomiting of stomach acid will stop and give her some relief.  The consequence of the drug is a very dry mouth and we are attempting several strategies to help her with this side-effect.

Her strength is rapidly ebbing.  We are spending our time reminiscing, looking at photo albums and watching the TV series "Parenthood" on DVD.

We enjoyed a week long visit from Joanne's other sister, Carol, last week.  Her brother and sister-in-law and niece also came for a visit.

Please feel free to leave comments for Joanne - I will be reading them to her.  Socializing takes too much energy these days, so we are restricting visits to people willing to "sit" and be with her when I must leave the house.

Please hold us in your prayers - for strength, comfort and courage as we walk these final days together.